Violent relationship leaves emotional scars

He pushed her head into the corner of a dresser, then he held her to the bed while he repeatedly slapped her.

Eighteen-year-old Porchia was not the victim of a home invasion or a stranger.

Her 17-year-old boyfriend attacked her.

According to a report from the Journal of the American Medical Association, one in every five teens in a committed relationship has been physically or sexually abused.

In May, a 19-year-old San Antonio male was shot and killed in a lovers' triangle. The police arrested 19-year-old Alexander Williams Johnson. He was accused of shooting a brother of a man who was dating the woman he wanted to date.

At a rate nearly triple the national average for such assaults, females ages 16 to 24 are more vulnerable to intimate partner violence.

Porchia, who graduated from John Marshall High School, was a victim of teen dating violence. She said her boyfriend was severely jealous and his aggressiveness got progressively worse.

"He got so anxious, and so jumpy when I would go for his phone to take a picture of myself, because couples are like, let's take a picture," Porchia said. "Why would you have so much of a problem with me going though your phone, but yet you go though my phone?"

According to prevention specialist Jessica Garza, there are signs in a relationship that indicate a relationship could turn violent. They include things like insisting on checking your e-mail, asking for passwords, constant text messaging and looking through your phone.

"There are a couple of different (reasons why violent dating happens) that we see," Garza said. "Some of it is just lack of education, they're starting to date early, a family situation, or sometimes, it's economical to stay with the person even though there's abuse."

In Porchia's relationship however, she did not stay. Earlier on the day of the attack, she had gone to see her boyfriend after he yelled at her for missing his phone call, and she then threatened to call the police. After her boyfriend attacked her, she ran from his house.

"I pushed him (off me), then ran outside, and he was talking and I was like ‘you'll hear from the police about this,' and he was just like, ‘Oh, don't do this. Why are you doing this to me? You know I love you,'" Porchia said.

In many cases of dating and domestic violence, the police don't often make arrests. In 2005, there were more than 12,000 cases of domestic violence reported in San Antonio, however, only in a little more than 2,000 cases were arrests actually made.

"We have a lot of kids come in who are seeking help but don't want to go to the extremes," Garza said. "And then, some kids do go to the extremes and go back, then that's where there are some problems sometimes."

Porchia contacted the police and left her boyfriend, but a 2006 research study showed that 86 percent of female high school students would rather confide in a friend compared with the 7 percent who said they would contact the police.

"People would tell me stuff, and I would see stuff against teen dating violence (on TV), and when you hear stuff, you have to open your mind to it and not just think one way," Porchia said.

Online campaigns such as Stay TV (stayteen.org) and DoSomething.org aim to help teens with issues like dating violence. Garza said the media not only warn against teen dating violence, it can also glorify it.

"Sometimes, they glorify some stuff," Garza said. "Like my kids seem to see things and they find it as a glorified form of love, and sometimes kids lose that whole reality thing, what's real and what can be done in real life," Garza said.

According to statistics, girls more commonly yell, threaten to hurt themselves, pinch, slap, or kick, while boys are more likely to injure girls more severely and frequently.

"I've seen some really severe cases," Garza said. "I had a girl; her boyfriend beat her really, really bad, and she was pregnant and lost the child. I've had a boy cut a girl's hair off, and I had a boy ask to use the phone and he gave permission to his girlfriend to go to the mall with her mom."

However, females aren't the only victims of dating violence. Males are also susceptible to dating violence.

"I see males that get beat up all the time because (the girl) hit him, and they are like, he doesn't hit back, so they really start hitting and say if you hit me back, I'll call the cops. Who are they going to believe: you or me?" Garza said.

Though the most common type of abuse in dating violence is physical abuse, emotional abuse is also a common occurrence, she said.

"I had a woman tell me that her husband had never hit her, ‘but he killed me a long time ago emotionally, that I don't even feel like I'm alive anymore,'" Garza said.

There are different types of help that teens in a violent relationship can seek from places like the Family Violence Prevention Services that offers counseling and legal services.

"For teenagers, we have counseling and we help in all types of social services," Garza said. "All the services we offer for adult women, we offer to our children and we offer the exact same services to men."

A person will seek help eight to nine times before actually going through the process, she said.

"When people tell you that they've been through this, actually listen to them, don't just think they're crazy. It's because they really know what's going on," Porchia said. "Go with your gut, do what's best for you because in the end, you're the only person that matters. When it goes too far, just stop it because whatever you go through, your family goes through with you."